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Fifty Shades of Grey - Twitchy Palm Spanking Paddle Silver - Get yours from Sinful
I was 18 years old, and as eager as they come. A lifetime of fantasizing and longing come true. Four or so months later I started this blog, got naked on the internet, and went from there. But this is for her. That wide-eyed, eager, innocent young girl who had no fucking clue what she was doing. Thank you, young girl, for answering that ad, and for going to that hotel. Thank you for starting us on this journey. For my younger self: Figure out which, and stick with it. But my point stands. The vast majority of people are one or the other. You just have different needs and you need to get them met. You just have certain needs that need to be met. So, try things, experiment, and figure out how you feel and what you want. You might be able to be poly about sex, but not about kink or vice versa. What are your limits? Are you ok with play at parties? What does play mean to you? Answer those questions for YOU and then stick to your truth without compromise. Go get a cookie. You are not the arbiter of what is safe or sane. Take your butt to a different room and keep your opinions to yourself. There is nothing that will teach you humility quite like having a very large platform from which to express all of your opinions loudly starting at age And then having to look back at all those opinions you shouted and seeing how many of them you no longer hold. I was young, and opinionated, and I thought I had it all figured out. Turns out I still had a lot of growing to do. But what I see as being in line or not with my values has shifted. Things I thought I would never want, I now want. Things I thought I would never do, I now do. If someone makes a compelling argument, I will change my position on something. But until that happens, I will go hard for my side. Just remember, half the things you think you know are probably wrong. And what you want in life, and in sex, and in a relationship evolve over time. So when someone offers you a large audience to listen to your teenage rants, say yes, but get ready to eat a lot of humble pie. Everything feels so important in the moment. Every argument, every slight, every hurt feels like the war that must be won now. But life is long, and the arc of history bends towards justice. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be still, and be quiet. And you might have to suffer some in the short term, but people will eventually see the truth on their own. Being a fetishist is a sexual orientation. Treat it that way. And there are actually varying levels of fetishism aka paraphilia. When your entire sexuality revolves around your fetish, and everything else is basically irrelevant. Often this means gender is irrelevant. You just want the goddamn spanking! They asked if I wanted to join and I just shrugged. Cumming is relevant to me, but cumming is not the same as sex. You can love each other, you can try to make the other happy, you can do your best. Come out if you can. Coming out as a spanking fetishists or a fetishist of any kind is scary, and hard. Coming out as any sexual minority can in certain circumstances put you in physical, social, or economic jeopardy. But I would say, take a hard look at your situation. Are you really in danger or are you just scared? Are there small steps you could take, like just telling a few close friends? How much of your life are you hiding? I came out to a few friends in college in , and then to my family in And I was exhausted from lying. And after all my agonizing, everything has been fine! My family is the best about it, as are all my friends. I put my kinky businesses on my resume when applying to grad school and gave a talk there about being a fetishist and what that meant. My current employer knows my background. And while my situation is probably not going to be the norm, I also have a lot more to come out about than most would. Dear lord, being out feels amazing! My life and my relationships have improved astronomically since I made the decision to come out as a spanking fetishist and a sex worker. Being out helps all fetishists. Study after study has shown that the movement in the gay community towards coming out is one of the key causes of the overall cultural acceptance of homosexuality. Why would he fight for those people? The more visible we are, the more normal we become, and the more likely we are to be treated fairly by the laws in our countries. Every step you take paves a path for the person behind you. Get out and meet people. Being in a room with more than one spanking fetishist for the first time is absolutely terrifying. These people know your deepest darkest secret. These people share with you a cultural backstory of looking the word spanking up in the dictionary as a child, of watching McClintock way too many times, of loving Tom and Jerry more than is reasonable, having watched every episode waiting for another spanking reference. These people also felt shame, and felt alone. These people also tried awkwardly to get their neighbors to play house in a way that involved discipline somehow. Everyone just knows to begin with. We just all also happen to love spanking. Domestic discipline is a problematic fave. Do you find yourself rooting for Dexter? Do you love the song Blurred Lines? Do you have really intense rape fantasies? You have a problematic fave! I know that I personally have lots Wincest anyone? And there is nothing inherently wrong with a problematic fave. You can like something, love something even, without it being perfectly pure and good. Domestic discipline is the backbone of my fetish. It is the core of my kink, as it is for many spanking fetishists. And more often than not, the most intense of these fantasies involve me being punished for doing something reckless or dangerous. We get the point. And then guy comes and gets her, usually saves her and spanks her for putting herself in danger. It was how I spent the majority of my teenage years to be honest. And never once reading these stories and watching these videos growing up did I ever thing, hey this might be a little problematic. I never stopped and thought, what does this tell me about my autonomy? My responsibilities to myself? My own personal accountability? What is this going to mean for my actual relationships? Because that would be untrue. I was tired of waiting for someone to save me. In order to keep needing to be punished, I kept having to do things that were wrong or bad.
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